To: Men
To: Men
From: A Secret Admirer
Re: EPIC MISTAKES YOU GUYS MAKE
Cc: Other Woman
Bcc: Guys Who Don´t Think This Applies to Them
You´d think it goes without saying, but what the hell: A guy should be nicely groomed. That doesn´t mean you need to be pomaded and plucked and polished, metrosexual style. Nor does it mean there´s one single look to aspire to, since no one style makes the majority of womankind happy (I love hairy chests, other women don´t).
On the other hand, you need to show self-respect. And speaking of hands, can we start with those?
1. Nails from Hell: It´s not just that dirty or chewed-up or overlong fingernails and toenails look disgusting. It´s that they tell the world that you don´t take care of yourself, generally--maybe because you simply don´t care. Whatever the message, it isn´t good.
2. Poor Teeth, Worse Breath: If teeth aren´t clean and clean-smelling, then you might as well take every other good grooming habit you follow and toss them in the Dumpster because this is as nonstarter as it gets. You´re not gettin past this--or, rather, we´re not. Smokers, of course, have lots of oral challenges. So either quit or be extra vigilant in the plaque and enamel departments (no, popping mints before a kiss doesn´t count).
3. Scent: Elevators, sushi bars, airport security lines- they´re all tight and crowded. Ease up on the aftershave and cologne, please. A natural smell is actually very nice and sexy--well, unless you´ve just run a marathon or are going for a world record in the wearing-the-same-shirt-for-days event. In such cases, take a shower... and then go easy on the aftershave and cologne.
4. Stray Hairs: That´s right--not "hair" but "hairs". Unwanted dark hairs growing out of your nose? Bad, very bad. There´s nothing else we see when we look at you; it´s like spinach in the teeth, only way grosser. Ear hairs? Back hair the breadth of an area rug? Unibrow? Trim away!
5. Neglected Skin: If you can´t take care of your skin by yourself, think about a facial. It´s not sissy thing; if´ll clean out years of accumulated junk from your pores, and--no small bonus--it feels incredible. They´ll even give you a terry cloth robe and supercomfy jelly slippers if you ask real nice, boys.
6. Vanity: Speaking of "sissy things," if a man spends more time in front of a mirror than I do, forget it. Don´t misunderstand: I´m all for equality of the sexes. For men, it´s important to be clean, better to be groomed, fine to be stylish. But here´s what creeps me out: If a guy spends so much time looking at himself, what exactly is he looking for?
From: A Secret Admirer
Re: EPIC MISTAKES YOU GUYS MAKE
Cc: Other Woman
Bcc: Guys Who Don´t Think This Applies to Them
You´d think it goes without saying, but what the hell: A guy should be nicely groomed. That doesn´t mean you need to be pomaded and plucked and polished, metrosexual style. Nor does it mean there´s one single look to aspire to, since no one style makes the majority of womankind happy (I love hairy chests, other women don´t).
On the other hand, you need to show self-respect. And speaking of hands, can we start with those?
1. Nails from Hell: It´s not just that dirty or chewed-up or overlong fingernails and toenails look disgusting. It´s that they tell the world that you don´t take care of yourself, generally--maybe because you simply don´t care. Whatever the message, it isn´t good.
2. Poor Teeth, Worse Breath: If teeth aren´t clean and clean-smelling, then you might as well take every other good grooming habit you follow and toss them in the Dumpster because this is as nonstarter as it gets. You´re not gettin past this--or, rather, we´re not. Smokers, of course, have lots of oral challenges. So either quit or be extra vigilant in the plaque and enamel departments (no, popping mints before a kiss doesn´t count).
3. Scent: Elevators, sushi bars, airport security lines- they´re all tight and crowded. Ease up on the aftershave and cologne, please. A natural smell is actually very nice and sexy--well, unless you´ve just run a marathon or are going for a world record in the wearing-the-same-shirt-for-days event. In such cases, take a shower... and then go easy on the aftershave and cologne.
4. Stray Hairs: That´s right--not "hair" but "hairs". Unwanted dark hairs growing out of your nose? Bad, very bad. There´s nothing else we see when we look at you; it´s like spinach in the teeth, only way grosser. Ear hairs? Back hair the breadth of an area rug? Unibrow? Trim away!
5. Neglected Skin: If you can´t take care of your skin by yourself, think about a facial. It´s not sissy thing; if´ll clean out years of accumulated junk from your pores, and--no small bonus--it feels incredible. They´ll even give you a terry cloth robe and supercomfy jelly slippers if you ask real nice, boys.
6. Vanity: Speaking of "sissy things," if a man spends more time in front of a mirror than I do, forget it. Don´t misunderstand: I´m all for equality of the sexes. For men, it´s important to be clean, better to be groomed, fine to be stylish. But here´s what creeps me out: If a guy spends so much time looking at himself, what exactly is he looking for?
posted by Birgitta Lind at 10:34 PM
7 comments
